


Heretical Thoughts (I am a Renegade)

by Akarius_Eroxus_Orisma0315



Category: Naruto
Genre: Akatsuki Hatake Kakashi, Gen, M/M, Missing-Nin Hatake Kakashi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:55:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26745490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akarius_Eroxus_Orisma0315/pseuds/Akarius_Eroxus_Orisma0315
Summary: Kakashi thinks he hates Danzō.He also thinks he hates seals.It's complicated.(A branch off of Renegade by pbjamas, along with some angsty seal bullshit that won't allow Kakashi to even attempt anything that wasn't approved by Danzō.Naturally, Kakashi, the genius that he is, managed to escape.)
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Itachi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Heretical Thoughts (I am a Renegade)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Renegade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25058521) by [pbjamas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pbjamas/pseuds/pbjamas). 



Kakashi thinks he hates Danzō.

~~_He hates, a deep and hidden heat, rolling up and against his mind until he strains against himself to unleash it, to take and take everything_ **_ he  _ ** _values._ ~~

He also thinks he hates seals.

~~_They are constricting him: every truth he wants to tell hidden and desecrated with lies choked back, every action merely allowed, every push and pull regulated, every breath restricted, and he wants_ **_ out-  _ ** ~~

And he hates.

~~_Both of them, himself, her, him, them, us, everyone: let them all_ **_ burn  _ ** _ .  _ ~~

It's complicated.

Really.

* * *

First of all, he really hated his life.

* * *

_~~Like really. Did you expect this guilt-ridden, self-hatred infested mess of a human being to say anything else?~~ _

* * *

His father abandoning him was the first blow.

~~_There was really no different descriptor for what he did. He didn't restore honor to the family name, didn't nobly sacrifice himself to save Kakashi from scorn, because that followed Kakashi even if Sakumo was gone._ ~~

He abandoned him like a **_ coward  _ **, exactly like the village said he was.

_~~He was young, and so, so vulnerable.~~ _

Kakashi wasn't enough for him to stay, was never enough, will never be.

_~~It was Konoha's fault.~~ _

If he hated him, well, Sakumo can't really blame him, can he?

* * *

Then came Minato.

Minato had been a balm to his soul, a cold and calculating mind recognizing one of their own and taking Kakashi under his wing.

_~~He had been a new tether to the home that had hurt him more than his father. He had loved him for every night spent quietly at his side, hated him for tying him to the very source of his pain, and loved him more for staying with him when no one else would.~~ _

He had been everything he wanted to be. Strong, calm, charismatic, and warm. 

_~~He had seen the way Minato lit up every time he gazed a little warmer at him, spent every free moment with him, and had seen Sakumo.~~ _

* * *

Then came Kushina.

She was warm.

_~~If Kakashi ever had a sister, maybe it would be like how he felt with Kushina.~~ _

* * *

He had silently, treacherously marked them down as a future pain. They would leave one day, and they would bring a piece of Kakashi with them.

_~~But he had stayed, just dreading the day he would leave because he had felt **warm**. ~~ _

Then Minato and Kushina got together.

That...

* * *

~~(Legend says you could hear Kakashi's scream of horror all the way from Rock.)~~

* * *

He had been content, _happy_ if you could say that.

And then came Obito.

_~~He had met him once, and he had acted like everything he lost.~~ _

He was optimism, devotion, and will.

_~~All he lost had made him weak, had hurt him, so he had stayed from him. Waiting, waiting.~~ _

* * *

Two was enough.

* * *

And there was Rin.

_~~She was everything that he never had. Everything he never wished to have, because he wanted them more than he wanted to admit to.~~ _

She was the innocence he had left behind, had regretted leaving behind to shield him from the harshness that was living.

~~_She had a mockery of the naivety he had still mourned for._ ~~

_~~What a painful thing they all were, everything he wanted to be, everything he ever lost, and everything he never had.~~ _

And there was Kakashi.

* * *

Then he lost them.

* * *

What a day the day of the Kannabi Mission was. Obito had finally settled into his heart and tore his way out all in the same day. He didn't expect it, and it hurt even more than Sakumo's abandonment.

* * *

_~~It was his carelessness, it was under his leadership, it was his fault.~~_

* * *

Thus began his affair with Guilt, his mistress, her weight so heavy he stumbled and bled for her. She demanded his blood and suffering, his hatred and fear, and he was all too willing to oblige.

* * *

_~~He obsessed over Rin, checking in on her even when night fell over the home that hurt him so bad.~~ _

* * *

And in the next year, Rin as well.

Well.

* * *

~~_He had raged for her innocence, her naivety she didn't get to keep, the last words that he didn't deserve, but most of all, Obito's promise he had broken._ ~~

* * *

He had dwelled on it for so long.

* * *

~~_Maybe they had already wormed their way into his broken heart._ ~~

* * *

And half a year later, Minato and Kushina.

* * *

~~He was too tired to even try anything.~~

He did not want to grieve, so he didn't. They still lived on in their son, and they weren't gone.

* * *

~~But grieve he did, and he still felt hurt, even if he did expect it.~~

~~In some little part of him, maybe he really did think they would stay.~~

* * *

And then, Danzō.


End file.
